Wow, God is so good. I had an amazingly productive day. It's amazing what I can accomplish in a day, A good gym workout, some cleaning around the house, then dropped off one child at a friends, hit the library, the D.I., Then the bank and costco.. Yeah, do NOT , I repeat, Do not go to Costco on a Friday, It is seriously worse than Saturday. I thought I was good and I don't think I have stood in a line that long for awhile. Yikes! Then J-man and I grabbed some frappucino's, and then ran to Smith's for a few other things. He was such a great helper, and man, we had fun. Riding on carts, and crashing into each other, tasting samples. And just chatting. My baby is getting so big. Anyway, I made him help me with the stairs that were covered in leaves. We didn't have tools, so we used a broom, and a cardboard box! Improvisation, Baby!!

Yep! Success! Thanks to my boy for the help! I seriously have the best kids in the world.

Then to an amazing meeting for church where God was so present all over it and made me feel as though I was me again, Worshiping God, socializing, staying and helping clean up and not worrying about anything other than showing people that they matter not just to God, but to me!!!

Parent Teacher Conferences.. Ugh

Parent Teacher conferences...oi What a crazy night... I always schedule my son's appointment last knowing that it will usually take the longest. Not because he is worse than the girls, or anything, but he is more social than the other two and They usually have more to say about him. So I scheduled his appointment for 4:45pm and the girls at 4:00 and 4:15. In and out of the girls appointments just as planned.. a little late getting into one of them but that is typical. As I head to my son's appointment it is 4:40, I get there and she isn't just behind.. there isn't just one person standing there... there are 2 people standing there waiting for their turn and the other family just went in.. Oh it's gonna be a long night.. I figure I have at least 30 minutes until it's my turn. I forgot that Addy had dance at 5, so I race her to dance, and I go back, to sit, and sit and sit. Finally it is 6 pm, And almost my turn, but I have to leave to get Addy from dance.. Here we go.. I get back to the school 3 minutes after the person who was in front of me in line gets out. So now I am one back and have to wait some more.. She gets done and BOOM she takes some guy and his kid.. Ugh. Lady, I really want to go home to eat. I haven't been home since 8:20.. Yes, AM!! So here I am sitting in the hallway waiting, 2 more families show up, I better be next, She comes out.. and the lady who is sitting there with her son, and the school counselor, says that she is next. That she has someone waiting for her. I wanted to tell her that my kids hadn't eaten we had been there since 4, and we were tired. But I think that my son's teacher sensed I was tired and so done, and she took me in and I got a 10 minute meeting. 10 MINUTES!!!! Seriously.. I waited 2 hours for a measly 10 minutes, Everyone else had 20-30 minutes, I got 10?? Kind of felt jipped but I was ready to get out of there and didn't have the energy to keep talking. Not sure why everyone else took so long. I got the info I needed and even brought up a couple of concerns! Oh well! I guess I need to still work on my big girl voice... Next time I will do his first and be first on the list! 

More posts?

I really should blog more. My life could be in the soap opera hall of fame. I swear if my ex isn't yelling at me, then my kids are getting sick, or I am racing to find a parking spot at the U. It is seriously one thing after another. Right now I sit in my house, with my sweet boy and baby girl, because she is sick. Kyla is off being social like her mother used to be, but Addy has a silly little Virus in her mouth that is causing us to quarantine into the basement apartment we call home. She acts fine, she is so playful and fun. Silly as ever, running around being goofy. But when the meds wear off her poor mouth hurts and she cries. It just breaks my heart. So for the 4 of 5 days we are here. Thank goodness for family that is willing to watch her for a few hours a day so I can get to most of my classes. So far I am only missing one day and that is such a blessing. So for the first time I am home watching the Superbowl. Go Steelers!! Too bad it isn't the Niners or the Chargers.. oh well the Steelers will do! Just beat the Pack!! lol

quiet house..

I am sitting in my house.. It is quiet.. I am missing Devan, He is hunting, Missing my kids they are at their dad's house. just another hour or so and I can get them. I have been sitting on my butt doing nothing since I got home at 2.. I am beat.. Crazy busy weekend and Crazy busy day.. One of these days I will have the energy to clean my house and get something done.. But not today..

Mis interpreting?

Ok, I have been told it seems as though I still love Chris? NOT A CHANCE... The feelings I had in this post were very surface feelings and only for a moment. Just closing the door of my feelings I did have. That are gone and now i can move forward leaving the past where it is and living a full filled life of fun and joy... Something I lost when I was married. And regained after the divorce!!

A new chapter

Well Chris was married yesterday. And I got to go on a much needed date with my honey. I am feeling ok about things. It is weird to think he is married to someone else. Not sure what the feelings are. DEFINITELY not jealousy, but it is weird to think one day you are with the one you will be with forever and the next they are with someone else. Even though I am happier than ever and I am being treated better than ever, still weird.

Now I am getting asked when I am getting married. Well I am in no hurry. I am with the one I want to marry and I know that when we both are ready it will happen. But after both of us being damaged by exes, that when we get married it will be right in God's eyes and he will bless us through our marriage.

Moving Forward

Well it has been 6 days since I found out my ex was taking the lead and gonna get married again. It is quite an interesting feeling to find out that type of news especially finding out second hand. Now I didn't need him to tell me or even expect him to call and get my blessing, but a simple text, email something, would have been respectful. Instead I get a phone call from a dear friend looking to find out if what she heard was true. Totally blind sided.. ugh, And not her fault by any means. But then, the emails, texts, phone calls start coming. Have you heard, we feel you should know, and the accusations about her, is she pregnant, is she making him... It is one thing after another. But hey, they will be married and that is that.

Now if you have ever been in this situation before, there can be a stream of emotion.
A- Hurt
B- Happy
C- Angry
D- Jealous
E- Sorry... for the girl

And many more, but they all come in at different angles over different things. I was soo mad at myself for being upset that it made me more upset. Angry even. But as I pray to God, I find myself thankful, that I have moved from that terrible situation, into the best situation of my life. Devan. He is giving, caring, loves me FOR ME! ( I know weird concept) I am so grateful that I have him in my life and plan on having him in my life forever.

Now the next question I am getting is when are you making the big step. My reply, when we know we are ready and can be committed to each other for EVER! I do plan on tying the knot one day and I believe that lucky guy ;) will be Devan. I can't see myself with anyone else but him. But we also want to be sure, and ready so that in 2 years we aren't divorced. If you jump into things, especially marriage, and you aren't ready it can cause a lot of problems.

So needless to say, I am happier than I have ever been, I have THE Most Amazing Man in my life ( He likes me to capitalize that so it sounds like, THE Incredible Hulk or Spiderman, Superman) lol just kidding, And I have 3 of my own kids that I love and are so great, then 2 just as amazing kiddos that I like to consider mine as well. What more can I ask for!? God is good and he truly is The provider!!

So fast

Well, it is true. When you keep busy the time goes by so quickly. It is amazing. I picked up my kiddos tonight and even though they are a bit off of their normalcy's, they are home. I love them so much. Addy was beat, so Devan made hotdogs, they all showered and we put Addy to bed. Then Devan left and Jaden, Kyla and I watched Home Alone 2. Although it is a cheesy show, they loved it as much as I did when it came out. They laughed and wished they could think of the things that 'Kevin' thought of. It is so great to hear them laugh again and for them to be at home. I can't thank all of mt friends and family that got me through the month. As well as God who kept me strong when I didn't want to be and thought I couldn't be! Now on to the next trial.........

A week

A week has gone by without my kids. I hate them being gone. I miss them terribly. I sit and see their stuff and I want to cry. I want to drive over to where they are and just hold them for hours. I want to cuddle with my babies and laugh with them. It is so hard to not have them and not have a choice of what is going on in their life. I think it would be easier to hear their voice whenever I wanted to. I know it is only 2 weeks, but it feels like eternity. And knowing that after not having them for 2 weeks, I only get a night and a weekend. then gone another 2 weeks. I want my kids to myself. But I do realize that they need a relationship with their dad. It is just that with his choices lately I worry about them more, knowing the things he is pulling and the careless way he can be.
Now if it wasn't for Devan and his kids being around this weekend I would have fallen into a major depression and hid from everyone. But I must go on and with God showing me that I can make it and showing me the ones who care. Thanks to my friends for taking me out and making the first week slide right by.

A break

Wow, First semester of full time school is over! I think I survived. I am still checking to see if I will ever catch up on sleep. I am excited for the break, sort of wish I had the energy to go summer semester but I don't, so This is the beginning of kid time! This summer is going to be all about my kids! Yes all 5 of them! Since I will have the other 2 from time to time as well. I am so excited to make a to do, to visit list and check it off this summer! Last summer was awesome, but it was about me, it was my time to heal and I have the best 2 friends anyone could ask for Aimee and Amy are my Angels. And this summer will just be an extension from last, only Amy is having a baby and so she will be home for most the summer and I can spend all the time I can with my sister!! Love her dearly!!

Aww a break is soo what i needed, then to catch up on the neglected housework since I started school.. Here it goes!

Keepin Busy

Wow, does life ever slow down? I am now midway through my first semester at the University of Utah! Wow, is there ever a ton of work. But I am staying up with most of it and loving that I am acomplishing something!

I am still dating Mr Incredible. Yes he is amazing, I feel as if I am truly, finally loved for me and now what I can be. I love just hearing his voice and seeing his smile! We have so much fun together. Then you add the grundle(that is all 5 kids together) and we have a blast. Making dinners, playing, watching movies! It is Fab!

Then there is work, I am still at K2 and I love it, but I am praying to see if maybe I need something a little less time demanding :( sad times, but I know I will make the right choice.

Well that is me and my crazy life!!!

Kiddos

Oh how I love my kiddos! They really do make life so much more enjoyable! More stressful too, but the rewards are worth it. I sit and I watch them with each other and (most of the time) getting along and taking care of one another. Jaden is such a little man and just loves his sisters! Kyla is a bit on the jealous side but she is soo helpful and so goofy! Then there is Addy and she is just as sweet. She is talking soo much she repeats everything that we say, so cute.

Then I watch the kids with Devan and how much they get along with him and how much he cares for them. Which brings me to his kiddos. Chloe is 8. She is such a love bug. I just love having her here. She is fun to talk to and just fits with my other girls so much. And Aiden, Oh Aiden, What a stud. He is soooo lovable and cuddly. And he LOVE LOVES his daddy. Devan is so great with all the kids and making them all feel special in their own way.

Life is great!

DVO

Wow, where do I start. It's hard to write after I have been crying, which I will get to why soon enough. Those of you that are divorced, single, ever been single will understand this: How many people have tried to set you up on dates. Ugh, Most of them never happen, and the ones that do, are terrible. Absolutely horrific. So when Kelli and Nick Schroeter told me I had to meet Devan, Nicks cousin, I said ok sounds fun. I love to meet new people, but honestly had no high hopes. I had heard it before. And I was enjoying being single. Seriously had a great time finding out who I was and having ME time, Stuff I didn't get when married. So it was Oct 30th at Joe Talbots Bday/Halloween party and they said we need to hook you guys up. The following Sunday, Devan added me on the infamous facebook! Telling Kelli that I looked familiar, so I emailed him and told him I knew his ex from Jr High and that I would see them at Tball games that their daughter and my son both played in. That started it, we talked over a couple of emails and then he gave me his number and I texted him on my way to work that following Tuesday. And from that moment I felt something. The texts were so easy to write, we had a lot in common he was almost too good to be true, but he was true. The following weekend, me and the girls got the Swine Flu..icky sticky. But Sunday evening he came over just to meet me. It was seriously instant. From the moment he walked up the driveway through the back gate my heart was melting.
We talked for an hour or so and then we saw each other every day that week and I think there may have been one day where we didn't see each other, until he left for Boston, for business. I fell in love with him faster that I had planned. Remember I liked being single, I was happy, having a good time, but I could not let him get away. He was the whole package. Everything any girl could want. He has 2 great kids who I love and I think they love me back, And my kids really like him and he treats them so great. Kyla has been sketchy but I think I have figured out why, again thanks to Devan telling me what he saw on the outside.
We spent Thanksgiving together, Christmas and New Years. Everything was flawless. It was so easy to be with him, he mixed so well with my family. We even drug him Black Friday shopping. We are almost to our 3 month mark and we just had our first argument. Mainly cause I am insecure and jealous. but I am working on that, I am consciencly going to make sure I am not saying things that I know have no grounds, I am gonna put my trust in God that he has brought me a man that is trustworthy, who loves me more than I have EVER been loved. He actually shows me that he loves me. By his actions, the way he treats me, looks at me. I hated this weekend fighting with him. But we are gonna be ok, I am gonna make sure I get better and show him that I love him just as much as he loves me.

Update on Me

Wow.. Really it has been since my soul searching trip in June that i have posted? Ok, too much has happened to update on all of it! So here it is in Readers Digest version. While in Az, I got on my knees and made my decision. Asking God what I should do and then making my choice and having God walk through it with me by my side. Wow, Can we say a sense of peace immediately followed. Not to say I wasn't hurting anymore, or that I was healed, Hell no. More like ready to move forward with my life. I was ok to be single, I deserved better and if that meant I did everything for myself than so be it! ;) So in July I filed for divorce. Can we say ick to the process. It would have taken longer if igorant parties hadn't been involved, but oh well, By 12/11/09 I was a divorcee! (not something I wish upon anyone, and not something I am proud of by any means) But when you have been so deeply hurt and you have emotional wounds that may never heal, then divorce was the best thing that could have happened.
So then there were a few guys I dated here and there, One was engaged..LOSER... What is with men.. So yes that was my first experience with dating again, Way to go Brooke, blah.. Then I had a few total losers, some that turned out to be great friends. And some that just won't go away.
Christmas was hard but I had great people around me to keep me positive. Like the new beau.. Oh yeah there is a man in my life, but he is on the next post, Yes he gets a whole post to himself!
2010 is my year. 2o09 was the worst year of my life, but it led me to an amazing man, making it the best year! Plus I have grown closer to my sister and brothers and my PIC Aimee, Love that girl!!
xoxo

A trip for the soul!

Well we just arrived at our destination in Tucson Az, to see my mom, my brother and his cute lil family. Can we just say it was so nice to just drive and get away. The kids were kids.. what do you expect. They wanted to know 32 times from Sandy to Kanab if we were in Az yet.. Little did they understand.. once in Az we still had a long way to go. But we are here.. We stopped in Flagstaff and after calling 8 hotels we called one who still didnt have vacancy but gave us one that did and we got their last room. Oh and the last 2 hotels we called.. Were the only ones who had friendly employees.. We know where we will stay from now on .. but....

I get to take this next week and pray and study and relax.. As well as have fun. Contemplating my life and what direction it should take. I think I know the majority of where it needs to go and with that I just need to make a plan of action. God be with me and those around me this week as I listen as closely as I can..(with the screaming of children in the foreground) as to what I should do and go frome here..

Healing

There is a process we all go through in every situation. I have gone through shock.. horror, disbelief... And now.. Anger, bitterness, resentment. Nothing can get us through these emotions as thoroughly as God. He has shown up in every way in my life lately. I may be going through crap, but he has brought me amazing people to not only help me go through this, but for me to help them through similar things. Together and with God we will endure. We have to have perseverence. We have to continue on with God as our only strength. Thank you dear friends who have come from literally nowhere.. Sent only from God to walk through side by side. It is a new day and I can conquer it and move forward with Him. What a blessing to know!

Teeth, Animals and Moms!

Well Jaden had his first cavity filled the other day and he was soo nervous. He cried because he didn't know what to expect. And I wasn't sure how he would think that it felt. He hated having his mouth numb. He was soo afraid he would slobber.. It was soo stinkin cute. I just could not stand it. I tried so hard to be supportive and not chuckle, and I managed but barely. Afterwards the dentist said he really did a great job and listened really well to all that he was supposed to do.

Here is a picture of him ... so cute

Then last wed. We went to the zoo for Jaden's field trip. One of the buses was late and it took almsot an hour off their time at the zoo. Kind of a bummer. But I took Kyla and Addy and we had a great time. Kyla loves giraffes.. It is so funny.. I never liked them but she LOVES them..

And then finally.. Moms Day. Even though it was a tough day for me not having Chris around. And itbeing the day after our anniversary. I did ok. It was so great to be with my sister all weekend and just be. She is totally spoiling me and I love her for it.. (well I love her either way, but she is being so amazing through all my problems.) My kids were great on Mothers day I got great little home made gifts.. which are by far my favorite thing to get. I totally love being a mom. There is no greater blessing in the world.

The kids....

You know I hate hate hate to have to share the kids. It is soo hard. Trying to figure out when I get them and when he gets them and what Holidays we both want. It sucks.. Flat out sucks. Part of me wants to say NO you did this to us, why should you get the kids. But then part of me says that they need to see him and it is so important for him to be in their lives. I could never keep them from him. But the angry side of me wants to. But I think that with all the arrangements that we are working out it will help me to heal a deep deep wound. It will help me see that if I have to, I can do it on my own. I am a strong individual and with God by my side I know that I can do anything..

First Realization

Well I guess reality has sunk in. I have been excluded from the first event of many I am sure.. Which is only to be expected when we have so many of the same friends. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. So I will be celebrating my anniversary with my kids. Maybe I can take them to a movie and spend some time loving on them. It is however mothers day weekend and I love being their mom. They are the things that keep me going. They are so happy and so loving. Right now they are making cards for their dad and my dear friend Gwen. They are so creative.

Addy is still not crawling..(which is fine by me) But she does the cutest dang thing with her tongue

This was her waiting for mommy and crew to load boxes at Ikea and she was looking in the mirror watching herself stick out her tongue.

This week I planted flowers and that made me feel better to have some color in my yard. Now I just need to get my sprinklers fixed so I can water them and do some more. Chris got some free sod today so he is helping a little fix up the house. So that it has some curb appeal when we sell it.

It isn't much but it is amazing how much better I feel.

We are on week 3. I was looking at pictures tonight of my brothers wedding and all I can think of is that we were happy then. Nothing had happened, I still had my life. Now things just seem sooo messed up. Can you tell since I seem to be jumping from topic to topic!

A week

It's been a week. My heart is no better but I can control things a little better. I am trying mostly to keep myself in my home and not across the street strangling someone. When is it ok to be a little immature? I am sleeping ok.. but this is what my bed looks like before I get in it...

Yes there are 2 children and about 15 stuffed animals. So that is how I have been sleeping. I have had one night alone and that is only because I didn't put them to bed.. It just seems to be easier for them to be in my bed and easier for me to put them there and not be alone.

I saw her today and my heart ached and I will be honest I yelled and asked if she was proud of her self.. but then I got all shakey and weak and had to come inside. Now I am having a glass of wine to calm me. This royally sucks.

But on better notes,.. Addy got up on her hands and knees yesterday for the first time. She is so chubby that she is almost 9 months old and not crawling. Love it. Well time is here again to try and get the kids in their beds, we will see if it happens or not.