Sunday, April 26, 2009

A week

It's been a week. My heart is no better but I can control things a little better. I am trying mostly to keep myself in my home and not across the street strangling someone. When is it ok to be a little immature? I am sleeping ok.. but this is what my bed looks like before I get in it...
Yes there are 2 children and about 15 stuffed animals. So that is how I have been sleeping. I have had one night alone and that is only because I didn't put them to bed.. It just seems to be easier for them to be in my bed and easier for me to put them there and not be alone.
I saw her today and my heart ached and I will be honest I yelled and asked if she was proud of her self.. but then I got all shakey and weak and had to come inside. Now I am having a glass of wine to calm me. This royally sucks.
But on better notes,.. Addy got up on her hands and knees yesterday for the first time. She is so chubby that she is almost 9 months old and not crawling. Love it. Well time is here again to try and get the kids in their beds, we will see if it happens or not.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

From Happy to Devastated in one week.

It is amazing how fast things can change. You have all seen it happen. Even if only in Allstate commercials.. one second you have a car.. the next a tree is on it. One second you have a happy family the next you are broken and unhappy. Easter Sunday.. Happy Family

One Sunday later.. Devastation takes its place. And when they say you have a broken heart and it is a heartache.. It truely hurts. It is spiritual pain, Emotional pain and shockingly enough physical pain. I hurt all over. Whether it is just the sickness in my belly, head pain from crying or just achy from the hurt. Even my heart physically hurts. I have always HATED lying. I hate being lied to.. I hate lying to people.. I am terrible at it.. absolutely terrible.. But being decieved by the man you love is nothing short of painful. How do you let it keep happening? There HAS got to be a line somewhere. I think I have found that line of NO MORE. Of moving on.. It hurts to say it and worse to think it.. but I believe God is telling me that I deserve better and to be with someone who gives me as much as I give them. Maybe this is what it will take for him to get it. To really understand the healing power of God of how to accept him into his heart so that changes can take place.

I can't even begin to thank the ones who have already been there for me and my kids. And the ones I know once they know will pop up to help to.. Even in the form of prayer. I know this sounds weird, but I thank especially those that can help him get better from the sickness inside. The ones who can stay neutral and love us both as we work out our lives separately. When you don't have anyone it sucks. I went a long time with no one by my side that could lift me up rather than drag me down. I went a long time worrying about everyone but myself and I lost my one true love. But when a bond is broken over and over the bond grows weak and it hurts so much worse reopening the wound.

Now I don't know if I am making any sense but here it is.. These are my thoughts.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Time Flies...

Well it has been months since I have updated my blog so I feel it is time.. If I ever get consistent you will know that my life has some organization.. but since that will never happen.. don't hold your breath!! haha..

With 3 kids a part time job a house to de-junk and the sun coming out.. I am not gonna be home any more than I am. And since this is the last thing I think about (even after facebook) then it won't get updated too often.. Unless I make an alarm on my calendar to remind me to do this periodically.. that may help.. but anyway..

Good Friday is coming up this weekend and I am teaching the kids about Christ's sacrifice for us and how he gave his life for us.. It is so innocent the things they say. Kyla tonight was saying her pledge of allegiance and she knows some of the signs for it and was doing those.. then she said we say the pledge to the flag for Jesus. They are just so innocent it is fun to hear them learning.

Now Jaden is loved by all the girls (boys too) but he seems to have girls chasing him all over. He said the other day.. that all the girls love him and have crushes on him.. BUT he only has eyes for little Madison S. He bought her a little valentine puppy and gave it to her.. And she supposedly was going to go break up with her boyfriend. Cause even though she PROMISED him she would marry him.. She likes Jaden better.. hehe.. young love is too fun!

Addy on the other hand is just a bundle of love. She is soooo GOOD. Seriously.. She just sits and laughs and plays and chats. She is not crawling.. she is 8 months old today. She can get around but rolling and turning but no crawling yet. She is not too sure about baby food either. She likes Carrots, sweet potatoes, and squash.. so I am trying to think of table food she can eat.. but man I am scared to give her anything.. She still has squishy cheeks and rolls all over her body. She is always smiling and giggling and is everyones delight!!