More posts?

I really should blog more. My life could be in the soap opera hall of fame. I swear if my ex isn't yelling at me, then my kids are getting sick, or I am racing to find a parking spot at the U. It is seriously one thing after another. Right now I sit in my house, with my sweet boy and baby girl, because she is sick. Kyla is off being social like her mother used to be, but Addy has a silly little Virus in her mouth that is causing us to quarantine into the basement apartment we call home. She acts fine, she is so playful and fun. Silly as ever, running around being goofy. But when the meds wear off her poor mouth hurts and she cries. It just breaks my heart. So for the 4 of 5 days we are here. Thank goodness for family that is willing to watch her for a few hours a day so I can get to most of my classes. So far I am only missing one day and that is such a blessing. So for the first time I am home watching the Superbowl. Go Steelers!! Too bad it isn't the Niners or the Chargers.. oh well the Steelers will do! Just beat the Pack!! lol

quiet house..

I am sitting in my house.. It is quiet.. I am missing Devan, He is hunting, Missing my kids they are at their dad's house. just another hour or so and I can get them. I have been sitting on my butt doing nothing since I got home at 2.. I am beat.. Crazy busy weekend and Crazy busy day.. One of these days I will have the energy to clean my house and get something done.. But not today..

Mis interpreting?

Ok, I have been told it seems as though I still love Chris? NOT A CHANCE... The feelings I had in this post were very surface feelings and only for a moment. Just closing the door of my feelings I did have. That are gone and now i can move forward leaving the past where it is and living a full filled life of fun and joy... Something I lost when I was married. And regained after the divorce!!

A new chapter

Well Chris was married yesterday. And I got to go on a much needed date with my honey. I am feeling ok about things. It is weird to think he is married to someone else. Not sure what the feelings are. DEFINITELY not jealousy, but it is weird to think one day you are with the one you will be with forever and the next they are with someone else. Even though I am happier than ever and I am being treated better than ever, still weird.

Now I am getting asked when I am getting married. Well I am in no hurry. I am with the one I want to marry and I know that when we both are ready it will happen. But after both of us being damaged by exes, that when we get married it will be right in God's eyes and he will bless us through our marriage.

Moving Forward

Well it has been 6 days since I found out my ex was taking the lead and gonna get married again. It is quite an interesting feeling to find out that type of news especially finding out second hand. Now I didn't need him to tell me or even expect him to call and get my blessing, but a simple text, email something, would have been respectful. Instead I get a phone call from a dear friend looking to find out if what she heard was true. Totally blind sided.. ugh, And not her fault by any means. But then, the emails, texts, phone calls start coming. Have you heard, we feel you should know, and the accusations about her, is she pregnant, is she making him... It is one thing after another. But hey, they will be married and that is that.

Now if you have ever been in this situation before, there can be a stream of emotion.
A- Hurt
B- Happy
C- Angry
D- Jealous
E- Sorry... for the girl

And many more, but they all come in at different angles over different things. I was soo mad at myself for being upset that it made me more upset. Angry even. But as I pray to God, I find myself thankful, that I have moved from that terrible situation, into the best situation of my life. Devan. He is giving, caring, loves me FOR ME! ( I know weird concept) I am so grateful that I have him in my life and plan on having him in my life forever.

Now the next question I am getting is when are you making the big step. My reply, when we know we are ready and can be committed to each other for EVER! I do plan on tying the knot one day and I believe that lucky guy ;) will be Devan. I can't see myself with anyone else but him. But we also want to be sure, and ready so that in 2 years we aren't divorced. If you jump into things, especially marriage, and you aren't ready it can cause a lot of problems.

So needless to say, I am happier than I have ever been, I have THE Most Amazing Man in my life ( He likes me to capitalize that so it sounds like, THE Incredible Hulk or Spiderman, Superman) lol just kidding, And I have 3 of my own kids that I love and are so great, then 2 just as amazing kiddos that I like to consider mine as well. What more can I ask for!? God is good and he truly is The provider!!

So fast

Well, it is true. When you keep busy the time goes by so quickly. It is amazing. I picked up my kiddos tonight and even though they are a bit off of their normalcy's, they are home. I love them so much. Addy was beat, so Devan made hotdogs, they all showered and we put Addy to bed. Then Devan left and Jaden, Kyla and I watched Home Alone 2. Although it is a cheesy show, they loved it as much as I did when it came out. They laughed and wished they could think of the things that 'Kevin' thought of. It is so great to hear them laugh again and for them to be at home. I can't thank all of mt friends and family that got me through the month. As well as God who kept me strong when I didn't want to be and thought I couldn't be! Now on to the next trial.........

A week

A week has gone by without my kids. I hate them being gone. I miss them terribly. I sit and see their stuff and I want to cry. I want to drive over to where they are and just hold them for hours. I want to cuddle with my babies and laugh with them. It is so hard to not have them and not have a choice of what is going on in their life. I think it would be easier to hear their voice whenever I wanted to. I know it is only 2 weeks, but it feels like eternity. And knowing that after not having them for 2 weeks, I only get a night and a weekend. then gone another 2 weeks. I want my kids to myself. But I do realize that they need a relationship with their dad. It is just that with his choices lately I worry about them more, knowing the things he is pulling and the careless way he can be.
Now if it wasn't for Devan and his kids being around this weekend I would have fallen into a major depression and hid from everyone. But I must go on and with God showing me that I can make it and showing me the ones who care. Thanks to my friends for taking me out and making the first week slide right by.