Healing

There is a process we all go through in every situation. I have gone through shock.. horror, disbelief... And now.. Anger, bitterness, resentment. Nothing can get us through these emotions as thoroughly as God. He has shown up in every way in my life lately. I may be going through crap, but he has brought me amazing people to not only help me go through this, but for me to help them through similar things. Together and with God we will endure. We have to have perseverence. We have to continue on with God as our only strength. Thank you dear friends who have come from literally nowhere.. Sent only from God to walk through side by side. It is a new day and I can conquer it and move forward with Him. What a blessing to know!

Teeth, Animals and Moms!

Well Jaden had his first cavity filled the other day and he was soo nervous. He cried because he didn't know what to expect. And I wasn't sure how he would think that it felt. He hated having his mouth numb. He was soo afraid he would slobber.. It was soo stinkin cute. I just could not stand it. I tried so hard to be supportive and not chuckle, and I managed but barely. Afterwards the dentist said he really did a great job and listened really well to all that he was supposed to do.

Here is a picture of him ... so cute

Then last wed. We went to the zoo for Jaden's field trip. One of the buses was late and it took almsot an hour off their time at the zoo. Kind of a bummer. But I took Kyla and Addy and we had a great time. Kyla loves giraffes.. It is so funny.. I never liked them but she LOVES them..

And then finally.. Moms Day. Even though it was a tough day for me not having Chris around. And itbeing the day after our anniversary. I did ok. It was so great to be with my sister all weekend and just be. She is totally spoiling me and I love her for it.. (well I love her either way, but she is being so amazing through all my problems.) My kids were great on Mothers day I got great little home made gifts.. which are by far my favorite thing to get. I totally love being a mom. There is no greater blessing in the world.

The kids....

You know I hate hate hate to have to share the kids. It is soo hard. Trying to figure out when I get them and when he gets them and what Holidays we both want. It sucks.. Flat out sucks. Part of me wants to say NO you did this to us, why should you get the kids. But then part of me says that they need to see him and it is so important for him to be in their lives. I could never keep them from him. But the angry side of me wants to. But I think that with all the arrangements that we are working out it will help me to heal a deep deep wound. It will help me see that if I have to, I can do it on my own. I am a strong individual and with God by my side I know that I can do anything..

First Realization

Well I guess reality has sunk in. I have been excluded from the first event of many I am sure.. Which is only to be expected when we have so many of the same friends. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. So I will be celebrating my anniversary with my kids. Maybe I can take them to a movie and spend some time loving on them. It is however mothers day weekend and I love being their mom. They are the things that keep me going. They are so happy and so loving. Right now they are making cards for their dad and my dear friend Gwen. They are so creative.

Addy is still not crawling..(which is fine by me) But she does the cutest dang thing with her tongue

This was her waiting for mommy and crew to load boxes at Ikea and she was looking in the mirror watching herself stick out her tongue.

This week I planted flowers and that made me feel better to have some color in my yard. Now I just need to get my sprinklers fixed so I can water them and do some more. Chris got some free sod today so he is helping a little fix up the house. So that it has some curb appeal when we sell it.

It isn't much but it is amazing how much better I feel.

We are on week 3. I was looking at pictures tonight of my brothers wedding and all I can think of is that we were happy then. Nothing had happened, I still had my life. Now things just seem sooo messed up. Can you tell since I seem to be jumping from topic to topic!