First Realization

Well I guess reality has sunk in. I have been excluded from the first event of many I am sure.. Which is only to be expected when we have so many of the same friends. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. So I will be celebrating my anniversary with my kids. Maybe I can take them to a movie and spend some time loving on them. It is however mothers day weekend and I love being their mom. They are the things that keep me going. They are so happy and so loving. Right now they are making cards for their dad and my dear friend Gwen. They are so creative.

Addy is still not crawling..(which is fine by me) But she does the cutest dang thing with her tongue

This was her waiting for mommy and crew to load boxes at Ikea and she was looking in the mirror watching herself stick out her tongue.

This week I planted flowers and that made me feel better to have some color in my yard. Now I just need to get my sprinklers fixed so I can water them and do some more. Chris got some free sod today so he is helping a little fix up the house. So that it has some curb appeal when we sell it.

It isn't much but it is amazing how much better I feel.

We are on week 3. I was looking at pictures tonight of my brothers wedding and all I can think of is that we were happy then. Nothing had happened, I still had my life. Now things just seem sooo messed up. Can you tell since I seem to be jumping from topic to topic!

A week

It's been a week. My heart is no better but I can control things a little better. I am trying mostly to keep myself in my home and not across the street strangling someone. When is it ok to be a little immature? I am sleeping ok.. but this is what my bed looks like before I get in it...

Yes there are 2 children and about 15 stuffed animals. So that is how I have been sleeping. I have had one night alone and that is only because I didn't put them to bed.. It just seems to be easier for them to be in my bed and easier for me to put them there and not be alone.

I saw her today and my heart ached and I will be honest I yelled and asked if she was proud of her self.. but then I got all shakey and weak and had to come inside. Now I am having a glass of wine to calm me. This royally sucks.

But on better notes,.. Addy got up on her hands and knees yesterday for the first time. She is so chubby that she is almost 9 months old and not crawling. Love it. Well time is here again to try and get the kids in their beds, we will see if it happens or not.

From Happy to Devastated in one week.

It is amazing how fast things can change. You have all seen it happen. Even if only in Allstate commercials.. one second you have a car.. the next a tree is on it. One second you have a happy family the next you are broken and unhappy. Easter Sunday.. Happy Family

One Sunday later.. Devastation takes its place. And when they say you have a broken heart and it is a heartache.. It truely hurts. It is spiritual pain, Emotional pain and shockingly enough physical pain. I hurt all over. Whether it is just the sickness in my belly, head pain from crying or just achy from the hurt. Even my heart physically hurts. I have always HATED lying. I hate being lied to.. I hate lying to people.. I am terrible at it.. absolutely terrible.. But being decieved by the man you love is nothing short of painful. How do you let it keep happening? There HAS got to be a line somewhere. I think I have found that line of NO MORE. Of moving on.. It hurts to say it and worse to think it.. but I believe God is telling me that I deserve better and to be with someone who gives me as much as I give them. Maybe this is what it will take for him to get it. To really understand the healing power of God of how to accept him into his heart so that changes can take place.

I can't even begin to thank the ones who have already been there for me and my kids. And the ones I know once they know will pop up to help to.. Even in the form of prayer. I know this sounds weird, but I thank especially those that can help him get better from the sickness inside. The ones who can stay neutral and love us both as we work out our lives separately. When you don't have anyone it sucks. I went a long time with no one by my side that could lift me up rather than drag me down. I went a long time worrying about everyone but myself and I lost my one true love. But when a bond is broken over and over the bond grows weak and it hurts so much worse reopening the wound.

Now I don't know if I am making any sense but here it is.. These are my thoughts.

Time Flies...

Well it has been months since I have updated my blog so I feel it is time.. If I ever get consistent you will know that my life has some organization.. but since that will never happen.. don't hold your breath!! haha..

With 3 kids a part time job a house to de-junk and the sun coming out.. I am not gonna be home any more than I am. And since this is the last thing I think about (even after facebook) then it won't get updated too often.. Unless I make an alarm on my calendar to remind me to do this periodically.. that may help.. but anyway..

Good Friday is coming up this weekend and I am teaching the kids about Christ's sacrifice for us and how he gave his life for us.. It is so innocent the things they say. Kyla tonight was saying her pledge of allegiance and she knows some of the signs for it and was doing those.. then she said we say the pledge to the flag for Jesus. They are just so innocent it is fun to hear them learning.

Now Jaden is loved by all the girls (boys too) but he seems to have girls chasing him all over. He said the other day.. that all the girls love him and have crushes on him.. BUT he only has eyes for little Madison S. He bought her a little valentine puppy and gave it to her.. And she supposedly was going to go break up with her boyfriend. Cause even though she PROMISED him she would marry him.. She likes Jaden better.. hehe.. young love is too fun!

Addy on the other hand is just a bundle of love. She is soooo GOOD. Seriously.. She just sits and laughs and plays and chats. She is not crawling.. she is 8 months old today. She can get around but rolling and turning but no crawling yet. She is not too sure about baby food either. She likes Carrots, sweet potatoes, and squash.. so I am trying to think of table food she can eat.. but man I am scared to give her anything.. She still has squishy cheeks and rolls all over her body. She is always smiling and giggling and is everyones delight!!

How many times can you see Santa?

Is there a rule on how many times you can go see Santa, whether at the mall or elsewhere.. Does it give the kids a bad view of Christmas? We saw Santa down at a fundraiser but Kyla was in one of her moods...And she wanted nothing to do with him. So we got this picture!..

.

But we then went to the mall today and she wanted to go see him again and promised to smile this time around. But Santa was going to dinner so we missed him. But we told them we would go back and take their picture again with Santa since she was too shy this night to tell him what she wanted. So I guess in certain circumstances you can see him more than once...

So big so fast

Addy is just growing like a weed. She is almost rolling over.. She tries sooo hard and then stops..sighs... and lays sprawled out on the floor.. temporarily giving up. She is also doing her daily crunches.. and trying to sit up. I just can't believe how fast they grow and change. The kids.. still love her to pieces and help me as much as they can. Jaden is obsessed with the Utah Jazz and Kyle Korver..
It is pretty cute. He thinks he is pretty cool getting to see and talk to Kyle at church now and then. He is going to school and has his best friend Jaxon who is the shortest kids in the class where Jaden is the tallest!! And then there is Kyla..
WHO loves her Grandma & Grandpa Roestenburg and wants to spend the night there all the time. She is mommy's little diva. And loves to wear dresses all the time. She comes to work with me on some days and is such a little helper.. They are soo excited for Christmas and had soo much fun decorating the tree that is now FULL of ornaments!!
And did I mention Addy has found her hands? I try and take pictures and all she wants to do is look at how cool her hands are!! Very funny

Thanksgiving!!

So as we get into this Holiday season it is time to be thankful for the things we have. (now I am not thankful I was without a computer for almost 2 weeks..but) I am thankful that we bought the warranty that covers EVERYTHING... So now I have a brand new screen!!

I have heard something that I thought was interesting and that is if you live a Thankful life including keeping a thankful journal everyday stating what you are thankful for that you will be healthier, your cholesterol levels will be lower, your stress levels will be on the decline and you will be overall happier... I know somedays my list is smaller than others.. Than on the days you can't think of anything look back and you will be able to... We have so much to be thankful for. For starters.. I have 3 beautiful children.. I am thankful for a home, thankful for my dog.. even though she usually drives me crazy she is a GREAT alarm system for anyone that is close to my house. I am thankful for my extended Family that I can turn to during troubled times.. for a shoulder to cry on or for a place to get away from the stress of homelife. So remember in the bad times, you can be thankful for something as little as clean running water.. There are so many people that don't have that priviledge.

I am also thankful for my friends. I have some great friends who are like family to me and I know they love me and my family the same way. So on this rainy Thanksgiving day remember be thankful and you will not only live longer.. you will live happier..

Happy THANKsgiving!!!!